To impress your in-laws

You don’t need to order the most expensive wine on the list, but rather choose an unknown, rare, and exclusive one. That way your wallet won’t suffer from anorexia and you will have the opportunity to be over-clever: exchange a few words with the sommelier and spit out some cheesy and gooey toasts. These ones never fail:

“I want to pay a small tribute to the land of my dear in-laws.”

“Like your daughter (or son), this wine was raised with love, wisdom and patience.”

“This wine represents the warmth, friendship and trust that you have given me over all these years.”

“As bitter and harsh as you are. You can finish the bottle because I’m out of here.”